Welcome to Story Hour! Today: Why April Sucks Part II

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WARNING THE FOLLOWING POST MIGHT GET GRAPHIC & DISTURBING

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Fast Forward to 2009 (or rewind depending on how you look at it)

On April 8th, I found out that I was pregnant with a home pregnancy test. At that time, I happened to be behind on my medical bills. It happened to work out that I had the money to pay them up even though I'm sure I had been planning on spending that money on. Anyway, I went online the next night and paid it up. After that I went to the store and got a card. In my family, when a monkey (of any kind) is given out when a person is expecting. The only card with a monkey on it happened to be a birthday card. At the end of the card I signed it with a congrats! (She was very pregnant at the time.) and put "Know any good OB doctors?" It took her a minute to catch on, but she was so excited when she did.The next morning, I called the doctors office, after ensuring the balance had been paid in full they revealed that they required a blood test to prove the pregnancy before they will schedule the initial appointment.



That Friday, which happened to be Good Friday, I got my blood test done mid-morning. The nurses told me to call and get the results in a couple hours. We were scheduled to get with my family to eat lunch at noon. At nearly twelve I got off the phone with the nurses. It was positive, we were expecting. So we stopped at the dollar store and get a couple monkey stuffed animals for my younger brothers. We went to my grandmas, we were early. I showed her the wounds from the blood draw. She asked if I had given blood that day, I said no, they took it. When my dad showed up, with my younger brothers, I gave them their stuffed animals. I called them the next Monday to set up my doctor appointment. They arranged it on that Friday, April 17th at one o'clock. On April 16th, I had to close at work. It was a late night and I had a pretty bad stomach ache accompanied with severe nausea. My manager, that night, as it was no secret that we were expecting, made a joke about how I had better get used to being nauseous all the time. So I attempted to finish my work and get out of there. It wasn't easy, as I had the worst stomach ache ever, I was unable to sit down, lay down or stand. So I go home and take a very hot bath hoping to calm the cramping of my stomach. It worked so I went to sleep.

The next day, I awoke with that stomach ache again. When I went to the bathroom, I noticed a small amount of spotting... Instantly I feared the worst. I texted my aunt and asked her what she went through when she had miscarried. She described the exact symptoms I was having. She told me to call the doctor. After little persuasion, I did. The nurse told me to come on in, four hours before my appointment, telling me to go to the lab and ultrasound area first. I did, then they said to go home, try and get some rest and come back at ten for an appointment. I called my mother on the way home, at her work. While I was trying to explain what was going on I was in tears. Telling her I was fine. When we went to leave for the doctor's, me still in crippling pain, my mother pulled up. She accompanied us to the doctor's office. The doctor came in and told us that the pain I was experiencing was actually internal bleeding. This bleeding was caused by the egg trying to implant itself into the fallopian tube instead of the uterus. And the spotting I had seen was most likely from that also. This saddened me so. I asked the doctor if there was any hope for the baby, he told me "no, the baby is already gone, that as soon as it had broken through the tube the baby had perished." Well, he then told me that because I was bleeding internally, I would need surgery. I asked him "when? Like next week?" He told me, "No, I was thinking like this afternoon. You should leave her and go right to the hospital." Instantly I was frightened. Nate was too. We left the doctor's office and headed to the hospital immediately. I was admitted and was taken to my hospital room. The nurses then came in and took all the standard information, we tried to make light of the situation. Nate and I attempting to crack jokes and making the nurses laugh, Nate laughed too. I couldn't laugh, it hurt me physically too much. After a while they gave me some medicine through my IV and then I could finally sleep a little. While I did, Mom watched over me while Nate went home and got clothes for us. He made it back before they took me into surgery. During this time, I had a few visitors. Basically anyone who could make it up there on short notice. (I really only remember my dad, my mom, my mother's mom, and Nate's dad and stepmom, but apparently my stepmother, and Nate's mom had came also.)

I went into surgery at five o'clock. I remember having to go from the room's bed to the operating table. I also remember the anesthesiologist administrating the anesthesia, and the nurses putting heart monitors on me. The last thing I remember is the doctor saying "Surgery start 17:17" (Note: Remember the day is April 17) Surgery didn't take too long, I awoke in Recovery at 8:14 pm and was wheeled back to my hospital room. At that hour the hospital is no longer serving food. Not that I was all that hungry, I was still pretty doped up. But when I awoke the next morning, I was starving being that I hadn't eaten since the night of the sixteenth at like 8pm. And we all know how much hospital food sucks.

I was told to take a week off of work for recovery. During that week, my cousin Sophia was born. I got to be one of the first ones at the hospital. It was a long time to sit in the waiting room, and once it all started it was quite a nerve-racking experience as we were all waiting for a cry and Sophia wasn't crying. We were so very concerned. But she's well now, and quite the acrobat. <3 you Sophia.

At first I was pretty fine with the whole ordeal. Thinking, no big deal, we'll get pregnant again in no time. For a while I believed everyone that "it will happen next time." And then every month when we weren't pregnant, it was more heart wrenching. The worst part about losing a child is that the people you care about most don't want to tell you when they are expecting. I don't really blame them. I mean when my sister found out she was pregnant, she was terrified to tell me. And when she finally worked up the courage to do so, my reaction "You suck." I mean what kind of person says that about their future nephew? The kind of person who's hurting but refuses to acknowledge it.  And when my best friend found out she was pregnant, I was part excited and part bummed that we'd yet to have re-conceived. Then the worst possible thing happened, my best friend lost her baby. It was so wretched. All I wanted to do was hug her, and I couldn't because she lived halfway across the country. So I helped her as best as I could via phone. Which wasn't much. It was then that I started writing again. It started with a paper-style writing entitled My Missing Child. Then I wrote a couple poems, Infant Deception and Solitary Line. (must be a friend on Facebook to read) I actually found the more I wrote the better I felt.

When my sister became pregnant with my nephew, Drake, she was terrified. I did everything I could to calm her. Even bought her a book by the Super Nanny for Confident Parenting. I knew that's what she wanted. Confidence. So I wanted to help her. And she helped me. She helped heal me by providing me with the cutest nephew EVER.

            

The morale of this story, if your friend or relative has this happen and wants to talk >NEWSFLASH< don't talk, listen. That's what they really want. They want to vent. I couldn't find the courage to speak my feelings out loud so I wrote them down. And I even though this was the first time that it happened, trust me when I tell you it wasn't the last time I lost a child. But that's a story for another day. In the meantime, that's why April sucks.

See also: Welcome to Story Hour! Why April Sucks Part I